


Forget to Forgive

by MarsHunter06



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Short Chapters, song references through out cause I have no chill, the memory fic I've been talking forever about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2020-10-28 14:24:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20780051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarsHunter06/pseuds/MarsHunter06
Summary: Sometimes the past hurts too much for us to move on. The Fresh Start Foundation is here to help you get through it. Too much trauma/painful memories? Simply wipe them away with the help of our certified specialists.A Duncney AU where Courtney just can't cope with the damage Duncan did to her during the cheating fiasco in World Tour.





	1. Take Away the Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by lots of different prompts I found across Tumblr. Forgive me for not remembering where the prompts came from...  
We used to be lovers but something separated us and I’ve found you again but you have no memory of me AU  
You agreed to have your memory wiped as part of an experiment so you shouldn’t remember me but you’re drawn to me for some reason AU

_ Congratulations, you’ve been selected for the Fresh Start Program. The treatment has been successful for over half a million patients! You will now be among those who have their memories altered. Your appointment will be on Friday, November 14th at 3 P.M. _

Courtney finishes reading the email and takes a deep breath. _ She got in. _ Now, to actually go through with it. Her family has been supportive, they knew how hard the breakup was on her. She’s tried to push the heartache away; she thought she was strong enough, but everything reminded her of him, even now. She still couldn’t forget about _ Duncan_. No matter how hard she tried, he was always in the back of her mind. She was tired of him dragging her down. She had her whole future ahead of her, she just needed a little help.

Bridgette offered to go with her to the office in case she needed someone. Though, she didn’t agree with having your memories wiped, she also couldn’t stand to see Courtney in pain. 

The two of them walked in at exactly three o’clock on Friday. Bridgette sits in the waiting area while Courtney is escorted to the examination room. Her doctor walks in; she has fiery red hair and a brilliant smile. 

“Good afternoon, Courtney, my name is Natalie. I will be the one to perform the procedure on you. Now, are you all clear on what is going to happen?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m ready to go through with it.”

“Alright, now, looking at my notes I see that you’re wanting to erase only certain parts of your memory?”

“Yes, I’m not ashamed of my past, but there is _someone _ I want to forget.”

“Alright, we will alter your memories instead of a straight wipe. I have to ask one more time if you’re sure about this. This procedure is not reversible. You will lose all memories of the person: both the bad and the good. Are you prepared to part with the good ones as well?”

She hesitates for only a second before confidently answering _ yes_, she is ready to have all traces of him gone.

“Very well. I’ll just need one final signature and then we will begin.”

She’s read the terms numerous times before. She knows the text like the back of her hand. She wasn’t studying to be a lawyer for nothing. She signs off and the process begins. It only takes a couple of hours to alter her memories of the past five years. Natalie watches all of her memories slowly being distorted and lets out a heavy sigh. She knows that this is her job, but it doesn’t mean she agrees with it. However, she’s one of the only experts in the field and this is a scientific breakthrough.

Courtney wakes up from the operation with a minor headache, but nothing worse than that.

“Welcome back, Courtney, how are you feeling?”

“I have a slight headache, but I think I’m okay.”

“Do you remember why you are here?”

“Yes, I’m here to have my memories altered.”

“Why did you need to have them changed?”

“I… I don’t know.” She sits up with a frown.

“Tell me, Courtney, does the name _ Duncan _ ring any bells?”

“Hm… not really? I think that might be the name of the coffee guy around the block. Why?”

“Okay good. What about the color green?”

“Oh don’t remind me! I’m still not over the whole green jelly thing.”

“Nothing else besides jelly?”

“No? I mean… I don’t really hate other green things, not even vegetables.”

“Alright, just one final question and you’re free to go. How do you feel about Total Drama?”

“Ugh. Worst experiences of my life. I was robbed of the million. I guess it was something different, though. I at least got to meet my best friend Bridgette, so it wasn’t too bad.”

“Anything or anyone else you want to mention?”

She thinks about it, but she doesn’t really have an answer. There wasn’t anyone else on the show she really felt like she made a strong connection with.

“Alright, Courtney. It looks like it was successful and your vitals are in good shape. Give us a call if you feel anything strange. I’m going to release you now.”

She thanks her doctor before walking back out to the waiting area where Bridgette sat in anticipation. She immediately jumps up and walks up to Courtney to make sure she’s okay.

“Hey, Court, how are you feeling?”

“I feel pretty much the same. Just a slight headache, but Natalie said it was a success.”

“Okay. Let me test it… did they really wipe all your memories of _ Duncan_?”

“Um… yes? I didn’t even know I knew a Duncan. Is that why I came down here? Weird.”

“It worked, then. Don’t worry your pretty little head, Court. Let’s just get you home so you can rest.”

Bridgette drives them back to their shared apartment. For the first time in a long time, Courtney is able to fall asleep without a heavy feeling in her heart.


	2. Forget Me Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://marshunter06.tumblr.com/post/181761314455/i-saw-that-u-did-a-couple-prompts-could-u-do-1  
An alternate way for duncney to meet after the memory wipe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idek if you guys can see the chapter summary link, but it's my shameless plug on another way I would've written about them meeting

An entire year goes by and Courtney doesn’t remember anything that has to do with Duncan. She still has memories of being on the show, but all of their encounters were gone. She’s happier than she’s been in a long time. She’s going through law school and on her way to achieving her dreams— life was great. None of her friends or family had to worry about setting her off. They didn’t have to freak out when they accidentally mentioned her ex. As far as she knew, he didn’t exist.

For the most part, everyone was okay with it. The only person who didn’t like it was Geoff. He remained friends with Duncan after the whole cheating fiasco, but he made sure that he never brought him up in front of Courtney. She never asked him either. He was allowed to be friends with him if he wanted. The two of them have always been close. 

Geoff didn’t tell Duncan that Courtney had her memories altered. He just didn’t know how to bring it up. It’s not like he could just say,  _ ”hey, dude, you fucked up your ex girlfriend, who I know you still love, so badly that she had to go get her memories wiped.”  _ He never mentioned it to him, but he knows he should. Duncan was still filled with guilt over what he did. He may not show it, but he wished he could take it all back. He lost the best thing that had ever happened to him; she wasn’t the only one who couldn’t move on.

Duncan was about to turn in for the night when he receives a notification from his phone. An email was sent to him from the Fresh Start Foundation.

_ Want a fresh start? We can help! Don’t hold on to those painful memories any longer. With the latest technology, we can help you forget your past. Interested? Email us back and we’ll set up a free consultation. _

He immediately deletes the email once he finishes reading it. What a load of bullshit. Sure the past can hurt, but that’s what makes you who you are; it’s wrong to completely ignore it. Besides, not everything is worth losing. Who knows how much of the good you have to lose to get rid of the bad. He knows he wouldn’t trade any of his memories away. There were too many things he would miss.

His phone buzzes again, but this time it was a text from Geoff.

Geoff:  _ Hey Duncan, it’s been a while. Bridgette is out of town for the weekend, so what do you say to a guys night out? DJ, Owen, and Trent are down to go. You in? _

Duncan:  _ Yeah, sure. I haven’t seen you guys. It’d be nice to catch up.  _

Duncan:  _ Where did Bridgette say she was going? _

Geoff:  _ She’s going to see some family down in California. I know what you’re trying to ask though. Courtney didn’t go with her. _

Duncan: _ I wouldn’t care if Princess was still in town. _

Geoff:  _ About that. I think there’s some things we need to discuss. I’ll tell you about it Saturday when I see you. Meet at the usual spot. _

That was strange… Geoff was being serious for once. Duncan shrugs it off. Maybe he’s planning on proposing… He was happy for the guy, really. One of them deserves to be with the one they love. 

…

It’s Saturday night and Duncan walks into McGuffies. He sees Geoff, DJ, Owen, and Trent by the pool table with some bottles. The guys are all excited to see each other. They down some beers and play a couple of games while they all catch up on the past few weeks— until DJ brings up the email.

“Hey, did any of you guys get an email from the Fresh Start Foundation?”

Owen and Geoff hadn’t paid any attention to their emails, but Trent and Duncan both knew what he was talking about.

“Yeah, I got it after band practice. It seemed weird. I didn’t reply to it.”

“It’s a load of crap. Who in their right mind would do something like that? I deleted it.”

All the guys seemed to agree with Duncan, but they also seemed uneasy. DJ’s eyes widened as he realized what he started.They all knew something that he  _ didn’t _ . That’s when he remembered that Geoff had some news for him.

“Hey, Geoff, what did you want to tell me?”

“Um… well…  _ she did it. _ ”

“Did what? And who is she?”

“You know who… She had her memories altered. Bridgette went with her, and it worked. She won’t remember you.”

“No fucking way. She would never do something like that.”

“Believe it, bro… She doesn’t know you— not anymore.”

Duncan doesn’t know how to take in this information. Never in a million years would he believe that Courtney would do something like that. This could only mean one thing: he  _ really _ hurt her. He was the one to push her to go to such extremes… He spent the rest of the night drinking away his guilt.

…

Duncan wakes up the next morning on Geoff’s couch in his apartment. He has a massive headache, and he doesn’t know how he ended up here. He figures Geoff brought him back after he blacked out. He was a good friend… Duncan finds a glass of water and some pain pills, along with a note on the coffee table. 

_ Figured you might want that when you wake up. I gotta run to the store. DJ should be back soon if you wanna hang around. _

He takes the tablets and finishes the water. He decides to leave and go pick up his car at the bar. Probably not the best idea, but he didn’t want to talk to anyone. He didn’t need their pity. Besides, maybe the walk will help clear his head; though it was pounding right now.

He walks outside and the cold air hits him. The November air was harsh, taunting him as he walked down the block. Luckily for him, the bar was only a couple of streets down. He turns the corner and ends up bumping into another person, making both of them fall down.

“Fuck, this day could not get worse.”

“Oh crap, sorry! Are you okay?”

He could recognize that voice anywhere. He looks up to see her hand extended out to help him up. He looks into her deep brown eyes…  _ It was her _ .

“ _ Princess _ ?”

She frowns at him, but still helps him up. He stares at her in awe, making her back away slightly.

“I think you have me confused with someone else. I’m not your princess, and my name’s Courtney.”

She really did forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shameless plug? Of course! https://marshunter06.tumblr.com/post/187968932695/house-of-memories-panic-at-the-disco


	3. Say You'll Remember Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They met, now what?

Her phone rings. “Sorry, I gotta take this. Anyways, I hope your day gets better! Bye.”

She walks away with her phone pressed to her ear as she listens to the person on the other end. He was still in disbelief. There were so many questions going through his head. The most important one being: “_ why?”. _He could guess the reason, but it’s not something he likes to think about. He decides to go get his car and go back to Geoff’s.

Both Geoff and DJ were home when Duncan got back. They saw that he was on edge and asked him what had happened. He simply tells them that he saw her. That was all the information they needed to know; none of them said anything. They wait until Duncan is ready to continue.

“I need to talk to her.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Duncan…” DJ says.

Geoff disagrees, “maybe this is exactly what you two needed to get back together!”

“I don’t know, Geoff… wouldn’t this be lying? I mean, sure, Courtney doesn’t remember Duncan, but _he_ _remembers_ _her_. Something about it feels wrong.”

“Well, what do you think he should do then, DJ? It’s irreversible, there’s no going back. Why not give them another chance?”

“Geoff’s right, DJ. This time, it can be different.”

“Alright, fine, I won’t stand in your way, but just think about it. Don’t do anything you might regret.”

…

After the strange encounter with the stranger, Courtney heads home to study for her upcoming exam. She was so close to being done with law school, and she had already secured an internship at a law firm. They already promised to hire her after she passes the bar. There was a lot at stake.

She starts reading through her case studies, but her mind starts to drift to the stranger… There was something in the way he looked at her. So many emotions appeared: anger, shock, despair. She remembers what he called her: “_ Princess” _. Her heart feels heavy as she recalls the memory— but she shook the thought away… No. She wasn’t anyone’s princess. He must have had her confused with another girl. Maybe they looked alike and that’s why his eyes showed pain. She felt bad for the guy, but there was nothing she could do. It’s not like she knew him. Besides, it was probably best to stay away if she saw him again. Clearly she brought up bad memories.

… 

Bridgette is home a day early from her trip. Even though it was only for the weekend, her skin was tanner. She hugs Courtney as soon as she’s home. Geoff was there as well, since he picked her up at the airport.

“Court! I’ve missed you!”

She laughs, but hugs her back, “you were only gone for three days, Bridgette. I missed you too.”

“Now that my girl is home and Courtney is done studying, we should go out and celebrate!”

“Celebrate what? And who said I was done studying? The exam is tomorrow. I need to review a few more things, then get an early night’s rest.”

“There’s always something to celebrate!”

“Snookums, I don’t think Courtney will have much fun out with the two of us. Plus, this exam is really important to her.”

“Well, then we can invite, Duncan.”

Bridgette quickly shoots him a dirty look and looks to Courtney to see her response, but she didn’t have any.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Geoff.”

“Why not, babe?”

She glares at him, “I think you know why.”

“Come on, Bridge! Duncan’s been having a hard time. I think us hanging out would do him some good.”

“Well, we don’t need to drag Courtney into this. Don’t worry, Court. You go study and we can catch up after your exam— then we’ll all celebrate.”

“I think that’s a great idea, Bridgette! I’ll leave you two, and whoever Duncan is, to have fun. Good night, and don’t stay out too late!”

They wait until Courtney closes the door to her room before they start whisper arguing.

“What are you trying to do, Geoff? You know it’s a bad idea to let those two near each other! Duncan doesn’t even know what she did!”

“About that…”

“You told him!? Oh my gosh! I cannot believe you!”

“Shh! Calm down, Bridgette. He was going to find out eventually. Besides, you and I both know it wasn’t a good idea.”

“So we don’t agree, but she did it. I’m her friend, so I’m going to support her. Besides, he’s hurt her enough. You weren’t there to hear her cry at night, Geoff.”

“And Duncan is _my_ _friend_. Look, I know he messed up, but he’s changed. He regrets it, and he wants to make it right. You know he’s never gotten over her.”

“He should’ve thought of that before he kissed Gwen. At the very least, he should’ve never dated her.”

“Alright, fine. Just hear him out, though. They ran into each other yesterday and he hasn’t been taking it well.”

“They did!? What did he say?”

“Nothing. He didn’t get a chance to; she just left.”

Courtney didn’t mention anything to her about their encounter. They even face timed before she left California… so the procedure really was a success. She wasn’t sure how it would work if they actually met, but it seems that it doesn’t matter. Being the kind hearted person she is, she can’t help but think about how Duncan must have felt. She wants to hate the guy, but he was still her friend. 

“Alright, I’ll hear him out. I’m not making any promises though.”

“You’re the best, babe! He should be home right now. We can go over.”

…

Duncan opens the door surprised to see both Geoff _ and _ Bridgette at his door. She’s kept her contact to a minimum ever since the breakup. He knows why they’re both here. Geoff said he would tell Bridgette what happened; they don’t keep secrets. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship after all.

“Okay. Let’s just cut to the chase. Geoff told me you know, and that you saw her.”

“Both are true…”

“Well? What do you want?”

“I want a second chance.”

“What makes you believe you deserve it?”

“Hey, babe, tone it down.”

“No, Geoff. He needs to know that it’s not going to be easy. She can finally move on. She’s happy. He’s not going to take that away from her again.”

“I won’t make the same mistake.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“Maybe you shouldn’t. If I were you I probably wouldn’t believe me either, but I love her, Bridgette. I will always love her. There’s no one else in the world that matters besides Courtney. I need her back. It kills me to see the way she looked at me, like I didn’t exist— that nothing happened. I was just another stranger to her… as if she never loved me.”

“You know she did… I just don’t know if she can handle loving you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got mad love for Bridgette fr. Just a fun fact about this fic: after finishing this chapter, I knew what I wanted the ending to be.


	4. I Feel You in the Lyrics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duncan finally gets to see the damage he did on Courtney, with some help from T-Swift songs.

Courtney just finished her exam. After turning it in, she feels a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. She was confident she did well, and all of her studying has definitely paid off. She walks outside of her classroom and the sunlight hits her face. It was cold out, but she didn’t feel the chill. She was pent up with energy, ready to take on the world. She decides to go for a walk before heading home. She goes toward the quad and hears music being played and recognizes the song being strung on the guitar. The musician wasn’t singing the lyrics, but she could pick out that melody anywhere. She went through a phase where this album was dear to her heart. It’s not the type of music she normally listened to, but eighteen year old Courtney somehow related to those lyrics. She follows the music and it leads her to the man behind the guitar— it was Trent. The two didn’t talk much; they were acquaintances at best. She’s not sure why since they get along well, but something always stopped them from being close. She can’t help but sing the lyrics as he gets to her favorite line.

“Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes   
Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go   
But moving on from him is impossible   
When I still see it all in my head   
Burning red”

He doesn’t stop playing the song until he reaches the end and Courtney finishes the song with him. 

“His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street.”

“I forgot how amazing your voice was, Courtney.”

“Thanks! I didn’t know you were a Taylor Swift fan.”

“I appreciate her lyrics, she’s a talented writer. I didn’t think you would like her music, though.”

“Honestly, I didn’t always like her music. I listen to her on the radio sometimes, but I couldn’t say I was a fan. I don’t know why, but after World Tour, I started to listen to her more. I guess the lyrics spoke to me. Not exactly sure why.”

Trent freezes when he hears her say this. He could guess why she turned to music, but he had to confirm it.

“What songs drew you to her?”

“You’re not going to believe me, but they were all the sad ones. I distinctly remember having Haunted and Last Kiss on repeat. I kept up with her music after Speak Now, so I can say I’m a fan now.”

Just as he thought: it was because of Duncan.

“I never thought you would be the one to like sad love songs.”

“Neither did I, but something about those lyrics just seemed to hit home. I don’t even know why, it’s not like I’ve ever been heartbroken.”

...

Courtney goes home in a fairly good mood. She sees Bridgette in the living room as she walks in, and goes to sit next to her on the couch.

“How did your test go, Court?”

“Great!”

“You seem like you’re in a good mood. Did something happen?”

“Hm? Oh, nothing really… I ran into Trent. He was playing some Taylor Swift songs on his guitar and I started singing with him.”

“What song…?”

“Don’t worry, Bridge, it was just Red.”

“I guess that’s a little better.”

“Yeah, so he asked me to sing a cover with him for his YouTube channel.”

“Did you say yes?”

“Not at first, but he convinced me. I’m going over tomorrow. You’re welcome to join us.”

“So that I can be jealous of both of your stella voices? I don’t think so.”

“Your voice is not that bad. It’ll be fun. Besides, I haven’t seen anyone else from the show in a while. I think it would be nice.”

“Alright, fine. I’ll go.”

“You’re the best, Bridge!”

“No, you are! Let’s celebrate  _ you _ tonight! You passed your exam!”

“Well, I don’t know for sure yet.”

“ _ Please _ . You’re  _ Courtney _ . You were a  _ C.I.T.  _ You can do  _ anything _ !”

“Alright, but I just wanna stay in.”

“Deal! We’ll order your favorite and have a girls night in.”

...

After their encounter, Trent calls up Duncan to let him know what happened.

“Hey, Trent, what’s up?”

“I just ran into Courtney.”

“You did? What? Where? How? Is she still there?”

“At her university. I was playing my guitar and I guess she heard. She left already, though.”

“Did something else happen?”

“Yes, actually. I invited her over to my place so that she could sing with me. I think you should go.”

“I’m in.”

“Okay, but Duncan, do not jump the gun. I think you should hear the song she chooses before you see her. It’s important.”

“What song is it?”

“Trust me on this. It’ll be more meaningful if you hear her version. You’ll be able to feel her emotions with each lyric.”

Duncan was skeptical, but he agrees to it. Maybe it was a musician thing that he didn’t quite understand. Courtney is also musically gifted though, so it’s a good idea to listen to Trent.

...

Duncan makes it over to Trent’s before Courtney does and sees Trent in the recording studio inside his house. He tells Duncan to stay put until he gets Courtney into the sound room. 

Courtney and Bridgette arrive shortly after. Trent didn’t know how Bridgette would take the news that Duncan was here, but it was too late. He takes Courtney inside the studio and has her sitting with the piano. He brings Bridgette into the next room where she and Duncan can observe everything.

“Duncan?! What are you doing here? Trent! Did you invite him?”

“I didn’t know you would be here too, Bridgette… I just think it’s important that Duncan hears this. Please, don’t be mad.”

“Alright, fine. Because you’re the one who did it, I won’t be mad. But, I will not hesitate to take her away if it gets too overwhelming.”

“That’s fair, alright. Now the two of you stay here until she’s done.”

Trent leaves the two of them in the room while he goes inside the recording area. Bridgette isn’t happy, but a part of her agrees with Trent. If Duncan is serious about Courtney, then he needed to see her pain first hand. She just wasn’t sure how well her memories were blocked.

“Alright, Courtney, are you ready?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“I’ll just let you do your thing then. You know how to play the piano right?”

“I do. I’m a bit rusty, though.”

She places her fingers on the keys and tests it out. Her fingers move fluidly across each note. She does some warm ups and decides that she’s ready. She plays the beginning notes then she starts to sing. Her voice is raw with emotion. It’s been a long time since she’s heard this song, let alone sing it. A rush of sorrow fills her heart; it’s almost too much. You can her heart break with every line she sings.

“You and I walk a fragile line   
I have known it all this time   
But I never thought I'd live to see it break   
It's getting dark and it's all too quiet   
And I can't trust anything now   
And it's comin' over you like it's all a big mistake   
Holding my breath, won't lose you again   
Something's made your eyes go cold   
Come on, come on don't leave me like this   
I thought I had you figured out   
Something's gone terribly wrong, you're all I wanted   
Come on, come on don't leave me like this   
I thought I had you figured out   
Can't breathe whenever you're gone   
Can't turn back, now I'm haunted…”

Tears start uncontrollably falling from her eyes. She doesn’t know what’s come over her, but she can’t seem to stop crying. Trent is there to comfort her when she could no longer continue. She felt so much pain in her heart. Flashes of memories start to appear, but it’s unfocused and fuzzy. The only thing she can make out is the inside of a plane. Her head starts to pound and soon she passes out from the stress.

Trent was right. Duncan needed to see what he did to her. She always acted so tough over the breakup— as if it didn’t bother her. She never cried in front of him. She only showed him anger. He was wrong to think she didn’t care. He heard her pain with every word she sang. He left her  _ haunted… _ She couldn’t even finish the song. Now he knows why Bridgette holds this grudge against him. He hates himself for what he did to her.

The moment she passes out, Duncan was already running out of the room to get to her. He barges into the studio and he’s at her side. Trent tells him that they can move her to his guest room until she wakes up. Duncan picks her up and takes her there. He put her down on the bed and is determined to wait there until she wakes up. Bridgette doesn’t think seeing him would be good for her.

“Now you see what you did to her. That was only a glimpse of it. I don’t think you should be here when she comes to.”

“I’m not going to leave. I know I was wrong and I regret it. I’m going to make it right. I’m never going to hurt her again.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“ _ Please _ , Bridgette, just give me five minutes with her. If she tells me to leave, then I’ll go.”

“Five minutes. That’s it. But, I’m staying too.”

“Alright, I understand why you want to stay. You’re a good friend. Courtney’s lucky to have you.”

“Just don’t make me regret this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to C for pointing out that haunted is a total angsty duncney song. I had a hard time deciding which song to use, it was either that or Last Kiss.


	5. Do I Know You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love is a ruthless game, unless you play it good and right (I know I'm late, but it's Red season)

Courtney wakes up with a familiar migraine; she only gets them when she tries to reach into her emptied memory vault. She keeps her eyes closed and tries to piece together what had just happened. Natalie told her this would be the best way to deal with the after effects. Deep breaths and follow your steps back to everything before the blackout. Okay, so Bridgette went with her to Trent’s… She was playing the piano… She started singing, then she felt like her heart was being stabbed! Her headache was getting worse… Okay breathe— calm down. Maybe she should just open her eyes and ask Bridgette what happened. 

She lets her eyes flutter open and adjust to the light. She searches for a familiar face, but it’s not the one she expects. At her side was the stranger from a few days ago. His eyes were filled with relief once he sees that she’s awake. He smiles and she feels her heart skip a beat.

“How are you feeling, Princess?”

Bridgette immediately moves to push the stranger out of the way once she hears what he said.

“Hey, Court, you scared us back there. Are you alright?”

“I have a killer migraine, but other than that, I’m fine. What happened?”

The stranger was back again and there was worry in his eyes. His  _ beautiful _ ,  _ blue _ eyes.

“You mean, you don’t remember?”

She starts to shake her head, but it makes her feel more dizzy, so she stops. “Not really. I just remember singing, then a lot of pain. I’m okay now, but I don’t know what could have triggered it. Maybe I should go talk to Natalie.”

“I can go see if Trent has something for your headache. I’ll be right back! Duncan, do not do anything stupid.”

Bridgette leaves her and the stranger, who she now knew was named Duncan. The name sounds familiar… She feels as if she should know him. 

“Duncan… do I know you?”

He wants to tell her everything:  _ ‘Yes, you know me. We were in love. You were my everything, and I was yours, but I fucked up. _ ’ He doesn’t say any of that, afraid that he would trigger another episode, instead, he reminds her that they bumped into each other a few days ago while he was hungover.

“I remember that… how do you know Trent?”

“We’re friends. We met a few years ago.”

Somehow she felt there was more to the story. She studies him, but nothing comes up. She feels in her heart that she must know him from somewhere, but she doesn’t remember. 

Bridgette comes back with Trent and some pain pills for her. She hands her the medicine and some water. Courtney takes it, grateful that she would have some relief soon.

“I’m sorry, Courtney. I didn’t think that by making you sing, it would cause you to pass out.”

“It’s alright, Trent. None of us knew, it’s not your fault. Besides, it was my choice.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I shouldn’t have pushed you to do it. Let me make it up to you. I’m playing a show on Saturday and I would love to have you all there.”

“ _ All _ of us?” Bridgette questions.

“Of course! You’re all my friends.”

“Okay.” Courtney finds herself agreeing. 

Bridgette sighs and agrees as well. She wasn’t going to leave her best friend by herself with Duncan, especially not after what just happened. He was going to go because Courtney was going to be there. 

…

Saturday night rolls around and Duncan was already at the bar where Trent would be playing. Geoff was there too, he would serve as a good distraction for Bridgette. He needed to talk to Courtney alone.

As soon as the girls arrive Geoff springs into action and pulls Bridgette to help order some drinks for everyone. 

“Are you feeling better, Courtney?”

“Much better. I don’t know what happened, but it seems to have gone away now. Have you heard Trent play before?”

“Oh yeah, he used to do it all the time back on… at home.”

“I didn’t know you two grew up close to each other.”

“Not exactly, but we spent a couple summers together.”

Geoff and Bridgette return with the drinks. Geoff tries to hand Courtney a beer, but she scrunches her nose. Duncan takes it from him instead.

“Princess doesn’t like beer. She’s more of a whiskey drinker.”

Courtney was surprised. How did he know? And  _ Princess _ ? Just because she doesn’t like the taste of beer didn’t make her a _ princess _ .

“I’m not a princess, and how did you know I don’t like beer?”

“Um… you just seem like the type to not like it?”

“You don’t even know me!”

How dare he just make assumptions about her? Even if it was true… 

“I know you more than you think.”

That was it. She was going to prove him wrong. She takes the beer out of his hands and drains the mostly full cup even though he had already drank out of it. 

“Okay. Ew. That was so gross.”

“You didn’t have to drink it, Court. It’s okay to not like beer. We can go get something else.”

“Okay. Maybe I want something else… Thanks, Bridgette.”

“I can go with her, Bridgette.”

She shoots Duncan a dirty look, but Geoff holds her back. She sighs. Maybe one drink wouldn’t hurt, but she’s not letting them out of her line of sight. The two of them go up to the bartender, and before Courtney could make her order, Duncan beat her to it.

“Two whiskey sours. With crown and make them doubles.”

The bartender makes their drinks and hands them off. Duncan gives her one with a smile. Courtney accepts it, but she was happy to know that he didn’t know her at all. This is not what she would’ve ordered. She takes a sip of the drink, but she will admit this was much better than the beer.

“I know this isn’t your usual, Princess, but I figure you wouldn’t want another carbonated drink after the beer. Plus Crown is better than Jack Daniels.”

“Okay. How did you know that? This is getting kind of creepy.”

“Would you believe me if I told you I can read minds?”

“No way.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. What if I said I knew you in a past life?”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“Alright, alright fine. Seriously though, I know you more than you think. Just like how you know me.”

“But I don’t know you.”

“We’ll see about that, Princess.”

The two of them actually get along. Sure they have their differences, but they seem to just get each other. Bridgette was worried. If they kept this up, then they could end up exactly like how they were before. Duncan was playing a dangerous game and Courtney would end up paying for it. Again.

After Trent’s set, everyone was buzzed and having a great time. It was nice to see everyone together, but it was even better knowing that Courtney was here. Duncan’s really missed her. Seeing her laughing and letting loose around him made him happy. She catches his eye and she smiles. He could look at her forever. She’s beautiful. He can’t help but walk towards her. There was a magnetic pull that seemed to always push them together. He puts an arm around her and she lets him.

“Hey.” Duncan can’t help but smile at her.

“Hey yourself. What happened while I was gone? You have such a goofy smile on.”

“Nothing happened. I’m just really glad you’re here.”

Her heart beats faster. They were getting close. She doesn’t know how to feel about it. Her brain was telling her to leave, but she wasn’t listening. She wanted to be lost in him forever… Maybe that’s why she does it. Lord knows she wasn’t thinking straight.

Just like their very first kiss, she pulls him down to meet her lips. And just like the first time, he’s caught off guard, but he kisses her back. They were messing with fire, but neither of them cared as the flames ignited once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I would just like to say that for the record. The drink choices are all mine obvi. I'm a whiskey girl and I hate beer. I can see Duncan going for whiskey, but Courtney not so much. I figure he would be the one to introduce her to alcohol and so her fav would be something he would have ordered. (Another fun fact, C and I argued which whiskey was better, and that's how that line was formed #TeamCrown).
> 
> ... If anyone is still reading this, I highly recommend trying crown apple or crown peach. I prefer it mixed with sprite (if you're underage then I didn't tell you shit)


	6. Liar Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should Duncan lie or tell the truth?

The next morning Courtney wakes up with a pounding headache. How much did she drink last night? She doesn’t know, nor can she bring herself to try and find out. Thank goodness for Bridgette, she must have been the one to bring her home. It was normally the other way around, but occasionally, Courtney would be the one to get shitfaced. Slowly, she gets out of her bed to head towards the shower to get ready. She didn’t have anywhere to be, but she needed to get clean. 

She feels a little better after the shower, but her head still hurt. She decides to venture out to the kitchen to find some aspirin. Luckily for her, Bridgette was already up and she just finished making some pancakes for the both of them.

“Morning, Court. I made some pancakes. How’d you sleep?”

“Morning, Bridge. They smell amazing, and I slept fine. Thanks for bringing me home and getting me into bed. You’re the best.”

She finally finds the pills, but opts to just set them aside until after she eats some breakfast. She sits down with her roommate as the two start to dig in. 

“I’m actually not the one who carried you in last night, Courtney.”

“Tell Geoff thank you, then. Actually, I can text him later myself.”

“It wasn’t Geoff either.”

“Then who…?”

Suddenly everything clicked as flashes of last night bombards her mind. She remembers hearing Bridgette whispering about something, but she was too drunk to catch it. All she knew was that she was in the arms of someone who smelled really nice and warm. She was sleepy, and she couldn’t keep her eyes open. Before she completely knocks out she feels a kiss placed on her forehead. She hears his voice before he leaves, “ _ Sweet Dreams Princess.” _

_ “ _ Duncan brought me back?”

“I told him I could take you, but he refused to let go of you. I figured it was easier than fighting him, plus you were already asleep.”

They were both done with the meal. Courtney’s headache still lingered, so she takes the two tablets to get rid of the pain. 

“How much of last night do you remember, Court?”

“Just bits and pieces. Ugh. My head is still killing me so you’ll have to forgive me.”

“It’s alright. I just wondered if you knew what you did.”

“What did I do? Please tell me I didn’t do anything stupid…”

“Well… not in the usual definition of stupid.”

“What does that mean?”

“You kissed Duncan.”

“Oh… that…” a smile creeps up on her face. She definitely didn’t forget that part. She remembers how fast her heart was pounding and the taste of whiskey on his lips. Sure, it probably wasn’t a smart thing to do, but it wasn’t a bad decision… Right?

From the way Bridgette was looking at her though, it seemed like she should be reprimanded.

“Look, Courtney, I just want you to be careful, okay? I love you and I know he makes you happy, but… just be careful… okay?”

“I know you care. Thank you, but I think I can handle myself. It’s not like I’m in love with the guy. I just kissed him, that’s all.”

“You’re not the type of girl to just go around kissing people. I know that you feel something for him. He’s a good guy, Court, really. I just don’t want you to be making a mistake.”

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“I think that’s a question for Duncan to answer.”

Courtney frowns while Bridgette starts to pick up their dirty dishes to take to the sink. She didn’t know what to make of this. Bridgette was being very cryptic, and for once, Courtney was at a loss deciphering it. The only way to find out was to talk to Duncan. She winces as the headache takes over again.

That could wait. All she wanted to do was go lay down again.

Meanwhile, Duncan is trying to figure out what to do next. It’s obvious their spark is still very much alive. He didn’t expect her to kiss him, but she did and now it seems like the same thing could happen all over again. He didn’t want history to repeat itself— no. This time, they would do it right, but how can that be if she doesn’t remember any of their mistakes? The way he sees it, he has three options; really two since he is never going to go through with the first one. 

One, cut off all ties with her and leave. There is absolutely no way he would ever do that. Again. Two, lie. Live a lie, and become the lie. Know his mistakes and vow to never repeat them. He could do this, easily. He’s a good liar, but what kind of relationship would they have if he goes through with this? At least they could have a relationship. Three, help her remember. This one would be a challenge. He saw firsthand how much it hurt her to try and remember. Plus, the effects are supposed to be irreversible.

Geoff finds Duncan with a frown on his face sitting at the dining table. This was definitely about Courtney. He pulls up a chair and sits down next to him.

“I thought you would be happy. Especially with what happened last night. She was all over you.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t remember anything. That’s the problem.”

“That means you two can start over, right?”

“I don’t know Geoff. I feel like I’m living a lie that way. It’s an unfair advantage.”

“But you’ll get to be with her, you know you want to.”

“I know, but I just didn’t think it would be like this.”

“She’s not going to remember. There’s no way.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t try.”

“You really think that’s a good idea?”

“No, but it’s the right thing to do.”

“Alright, good luck. I have your back no matter what.”

“Thanks, I’ll need it.”

“What are best friends for?”

After his talk with Geoff, Duncan works up the courage to go see Courtney. He rings the doorbell and Bridgette is the one to answer the door.

She lets him inside since she knows there’s nothing she can do to stop either of them from falling again, but it doesn’t mean she likes it.

“Look, Duncan. I know you care about her, but so do I. Just don’t hurt her again, got it?”

“I don’t plan on it.”

“She’s in her room. Be quiet though, she has a hangover.”

He thanks her then walks toward the same room he left her in less than twelve hours ago. He pushes the door open and finds her asleep. He wonders briefly if he should wait until she wakes up, but then her eyes flutter open. She’s surprised to see him there, but she smiles and her hand reaches out to him. He walks the few steps to her bed and gives her his hand. She scoots over to make some room for him.

This is so out of character for her, but somehow it feels right. She just wants him close. He sits down next to her, and all of this seemed so familiar, as if they’ve done this before. For a moment Courtney thinks she’s lost her mind. Never in a million years would she be so inviting to a stranger after just one night of talking, but there was something about Duncan that just drew her to him. Like she knew him for years; like they had history.

They were still holding hands as he smiles down at her, and she melts. She decided last night that she much preferred his smile over the frown that seemed permanently etched on his face when they first met. 

“Morning, Princess.”

“It’s not morning anymore. What time is it?”

“Almost two.”

She tried to hide further into her covers, but with Duncan sitting on top of them, it was difficult.

“Ugh. I definitely slept too much.”

“That happens. I heard from Bridgette that you have a killer hangover.”

“Don’t remind me. It won’t go away.”

He reaches down to touch her head, concern on his face.

“How does your head feel?”

She doesn’t realize she was holding her breath at the contact. She’s already kissed him, this shouldn’t scare her, but it does.

“... better… now.”

He doesn’t pull away after that, no, if anything it brings him closer to her. He had to be convinced she was really alright— which was ridiculous. A hangover is nothing to fret over. However, she can’t find herself to care, as they draw closer to each other.

Suddenly, a light bulb goes off in her head and she hears Bridgette’s voice reminding her to be careful. He notices that something was off and that was enough to break the trance they were both in. He backs off and she pulls herself to a sitting position next to him. 

“Duncan, is there something you’re not telling me?”

Straight to the point, as always. He should’ve seen it coming, but he was completely caught off guard. It was a loaded question and they both knew it. How he chooses to answer this has the potential to change everything. 

“Yeah, a lot.”

“Okay… well… are you going to tell me what they are?”

“Nah. It’s more fun if you figure it out on your own.”

She hits him with her pillow.

“Not funny, seriously. Bridgette told me to be careful around you. Why?”

“Stranger danger?”

“I don’t think we’re strangers anymore, Duncan…”

“Alright, fine. I’ll tell you the truth, but don’t freak out okay?”

“That depends. What’s the truth?”

“I’m the love of your life, but I fucked up and now I need to win you over again.”

She doesn’t say anything. He’s afraid that he made the wrong move. Maybe it wasn’t too late to take it back.

“Courtney?”

“Get out.”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay! I was stupid and I know that’s not a good excuse, but just hear me out.”

“Duncan, I’m not mad. I get it. You don’t want to talk about it. That’s fine, but I need you to leave.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No, I’m not. I’m not even yelling at you. Believe me, you would know when I’m pissed.”

He did know. He knew firsthand how crazy she got when she was angry.

“Then why do I need to leave?”

“Because I need to make a doctors appointment and it’s kind of private, so I need you to get out of my room.”

“Oh… Okay. Um… I’ll just wait outside, then?”

“You can wait in the living room. We can watch a movie.”

He gets off her bed and exits her room while she grabs her phone off the charger. She makes sure that the door was closed before she walks into her bathroom as an extra precaution. She lets out a sigh as she dials the number.

Now she knows why Bridgette wanted her to be careful… Duncan’s such a liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been MIA, I went back to the Bay and got sick. Promise I'll have the next chapter up soon to make up for it (:


	7. You Know the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courtney starts to learn the truth, but will her mind let her?

Courtney is nothing but thorough. As a precaution, she does make an appointment to see Natalie. Her headaches are getting worse and that just simply won’t do. How else would she be able to finish her classes?

She’s there at exactly three o’clock for her doctor’s visit. Natalie greets her with a smile as she ushers her into her office. She too, is also a perfectionist.

“Have a seat, Courtney, what brings you here?”

“I’ve been getting these awful headaches. I figured they’re probably a side effect of the procedure, but better safe than sorry.”

“Hm… that can happen sometimes, though it has been a year. When did you start experiencing the pain?”

“A little over a week ago.”

“Have you experienced this kind of pain before?”

“Only when I try to remember something, but it’s usually not that bad.”

“Hm… tell me, Courtney, do you know why you had to alter your memory?”

“No… not— ow!”

“Deep breath… Don’t think about it.”

“Sorry, the headaches have been worse. At first I thought it was a hangover, but it didn’t go away after that.”

“A hangover?”

“Yeah, I went to my friend Trent’s gig the other night.”

“Trent… was it just you he invited?”

“No, Bridgette and Geoff were there too. Oh, and Duncan.”

Courtney smiles as she says his name. She misses the surprised look on Natalie’s face. It was clear what was happening to Courtney. Still, in all her years of performing this procedure, she has never seen it regress so quickly.

“I may have an idea of what’s going, Courtney, but to be sure, I would like to do some tests. In the meantime, I’ll prescribe you some medication to help with your headaches.”

“Alright. What do you need me to do?”

“I’m just going to hook you up to the same machine we used before and see if there’s anything messing with your memory.”

Natalie escorts her to the same room she was in a year ago and has her lie down. Courtney closes her eyes as she waits for Natalie’s next instruction. She doesn’t give her any, instead, she quickly scans her brain to see that some areas are cloudy. She turns off the machine. 

It was just as she expected. If this is going the way she thinks it is, then it was not going to end well.

“Alright, Courtney, that’s all I need for today. We can discuss the results after I’ve analyzed them. Is Friday good for you?”

“That should be fine, as long as it’s after four.”

“Alright. I’ll have you scheduled for four thirty. Oh, and please have someone accompany you.”

“Anyone specific?”

“Just whoever you think you would like to have with you.”

Courtney goes home to find Bridgette sitting in front of their T.V trying to guess who would get the final rose of the night.

“I really don’t know why you keep watching this crap. It’s all fake anyways.”

Bridgette shushes her, but pauses the show anyways.

“That’s like saying our time on Total Drama was all fake.”

“That’s different. We all wish it was fake, but Chris is insane.”

“True. What happened at the doctors?”

“Not sure yet. Natalie says she needs to analyze the brain scan. She should have the results on Friday. Can you come with me to see what she says?”

“Of course! Do you need another procedure?”

“Not that I know of. She just wants someone else’s perspective. I think she knows something, but won’t say anything yet.”

“Maybe. She’s really good at her job. How’s the head?”

“Better. It comes and goes, but hopefully these pills will control it better.”

“Fingers crossed. Any other plans for today?”

“I think that all depends on my pain level first.”

“I’m here if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Bridge, you’re the best!”

… 

Friday arrives quickly. The meds have helped control Courtney’s pain to an extent, though, she finds that it gets worse when she’s in a group setting. She tried to hang out with Duncan and Geoff two days ago; the pain returned almost immediately even after she took the pills. They weren’t even drinking. There’s gotta be something wrong. Hopefully the test results will give an answer.

Bridgette and Courtney arrive on time for the appointment. Natalie greets both girls with a smile before ushering them into her office. She has Courtney’s case file out on her desk ready to discuss.

“I’m sure you’re both anxious to hear what’s going on, but I’m going to start with a few questions first. Is the medication working at all?”

“It worked at first, but the last couple nights haven’t been so great.”

“Courtney thinks it gets worse in a group setting.”

“Hm… and why might that be the case?”

“I was out with the guys when I felt some pressure build up. I took the prescribed doses, but it didn’t work.”

Natalie glances over at Bridgette and they make eye contact. The blonde is slightly fidgeting in her seat.

“I see. That may be a possibility. How intense is the pain? Last time you described it as a 7.”

“That’s about right. Maybe 7… and a half. I think it might be getting worse.”

Natalie frowns.  _ That’s not a good sign. _ The redhead looks down at her papers then jots down a few notes.

“Have you noticed any changes that’s been happening since your procedure last year?”

“I mean, a lot has changed. It’s been a year after all. Nothing major though.”

“Bridgette? Any input on that?”

“Well…”

“Bridge? Do you know something I don’t?”

“I’m sorry, Court. I was so afraid this would happen again. I told Geoff it was a bad idea. History always repeats itself. He’s a good guy but, god, he’s an idiot. Maybe you can’t fight love, though…”

“Woah, slow down… What?  _ Love?  _ What are you even talking about?”

Bridgette glances up at Natalie who just nods. She takes a deep breath before finally letting Courtney in on the loop.

“Courtney, I think your headache has to do with Duncan.”

At the mention of his name, she feels both her heart racing and pressure on her head.

“That’s ridiculous. I just met him. Are you saying that he’s bad for my health?”

“Your friend is right and I think you know that too. Courtney, don’t you find it strange that this is happening after you met Duncan?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Your memories were only altered, not fully deleted. They’re being triggered. They want to resurface, but there’s a mental block as a result of the procedure.”

“But… I just met him… there’s no way… why would I want to forget him?”

The pain increases as she struggles to remember. Bits and pieces of memories pop up. 

She sees a flash of green, Camp Wawanakwa, a wooden skull, golden Chris trophies, Greece through an airplane window… Too many things were happening. Her senses start going into overload.

She can barely make out Natalie and Bridgette’s voice as they rush around to calm her down. The next thing she sees is a flash of familiar blue eyes, then it fades to darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI that the next chapter is super short.


	8. Memory Shutdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courtney's memory resets...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much the shortest chapter in this fic, so be warned. Also this is all dialogue.

Courtney wakes up in her room. She feels lightheaded and confused. She must have had a nightmare. She looks over to see Bridgette sitting by her bed, asleep. She turns to her clock; it’s 4:08 AM… Way too early… What day is it?

She tries to sit up, and the noise jolts her best friend awake. She’s always been a light sleeper.

“Court! You’re awake! How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright. What happened?”

“What do you remember?”

“Not much really. I went for a check up and… well, that’s it.”

“Nothing else?”

“No? Did something happen?”

“Court, that was two days ago.”

“What! You mean I’ve been sleeping for that long?!”

“Natalie thought it would have been longer. You just passed out. After she made sure your vitals were stable, she looked into your brain. Lots of signals were buzzing around, and it just went into overload.”

“I… I don’t remember any of that… did she block my memory?”

“No, she thinks it’s your brain trying to protect itself by blocking out the trauma.”

“So, I basically just shut down?”

“You can say that. I was so worried, but Natalie reassured me and said that you should be okay. She came to visit yesterday to make sure you were still stable.”

“Why didn’t she keep me at the medical center?”

“She thought it would help you relax if you were in a familiar environment. You’re not in life threatening danger, your brain was just working a little too hard.”

Courtney frowns. None of this is making sense. _Why_ _now?_

The good news is that she’s alright physically, but mentally? It seems like she’s totally messed up.

“There is one more thing we want to make sure of, though, now that you’re awake.”

“What?”

“What do you remember about Duncan?”

“The guy I bumped into on the street? He was at Trent’s show right?”

“Yes. Anything else?”

“Um… no? Am I supposed to remember him?”

Bridgette frowns. She doesn’t know how to answer that. Yes? No? Maybe? She sighs.

“Honestly, Court? I have no idea.”

“What’s going on, Bridge?”

“I think this is something that the three of us need to discuss.”

“Should I make another appointment?”

“Not with Natalie… With Duncan.”

“I really messed things up didn’t I?”

“Don’t blame yourself, Court. You did what you thought was the best option. I can’t blame you for being so strong. You dealt with this for the past five years on your own.”

“Maybe so, but I don’t remember any of it. He must have been important to me. I think it’s best if we discuss this with Natalie. If this is anything like what I suspect, then I might need her expertise.”

“You’re right. Do you want me to call her?”

“I’ll call Duncan. You can call Natalie.”

…

It’s barely 5 AM, but Courtney had a feeling he would pick up the phone for her.

“... Princess? It’s 5… are you alright?”

She shakes her head even though she knows he can’t see her. Her heart skips a beat when she hears the nickname, but it also brings a heavy weight.

“I know it’s early, sorry about that. I need to ask a favor.”

“Shoot.”

“Now that I think about it… this is a lot to explain over the phone… can you come over? Not right now, but later today?”

“Yeah, I should be able to swing by around noon during my lunch break.”

“No, no. I can wait till you’re done with work.”

“Alright. I’ll ask to leave early. See you around two?”

“Okay. Thank you.”

She just invited a stranger to her home. She knows him, but she just doesn’t remember who he was, and why he was ruining her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you folks are lucky like me then enjoy your break :)


	9. Revisit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff has his brilliant moments too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end folks

Duncan doesn’t know what to expect when he arrives at Courtney’s apartment. She sounded distressed when she called, but she also wasn’t in any immediate danger. He wonders if maybe she remembers him… but he doesn’t know how to feel about that. Bridgette opens the door while he was spacing out at the front door.

“Duncan, Court will be out in a minute. You might want to sit down for this.”

The two of them walk over to the living room. He takes the loveseat while Bridgette chooses to sit in the armchair.

“Is she alright?”

“Define alright.”

“That bad, huh?”

“You have no idea. She’s stable, but her memory’s a little messed up.”

“Does she remember me?”

“Do you want her to?”

He does, but he’s not sure that she wants the same thing. He really fucked things up between them— but before he could answer, Courtney emerges from the bedroom looking frazzled. She gives a polite smile to him then sits on the other side of the loveseat. Something is off. 

“What did you want help with, Princess?”

“Honestly? I don’t know yet. I’m hoping to find out.”

If he wasn’t already confused, he certainly is now. What does that mean?

“I’m sorry, Duncan, but… who are you?”

“You… you don’t remember me?”

The hurt is evident in his eyes, but it’s quickly replaced with anger. She must have wiped her memory again. No, there has to be another explanation. She wouldn’t be asking for him if she did. Still, he feels betrayed by her question. It’s all his fault.

“I’m sorry, I don’t. I know you must be important to me, but I can’t figure out why. All I know about you is that you’re Trent’s friend and we’ve met before.”

“That’s all you remember?”

She nods. That’s impossible. Surely she must remember the last few weeks. The bar, watching a movie, or even at Geoff’s place… Nothing. She didn’t remember any of it.

“Duncan! Hey! Snap out of it. Look, I know this is a lot to take in, but Court needs our help.”

“I don’t see how I can help her. Not after how much she went through to block me out.”

“She suffered a relapse. Her doctor thinks the best course of action is to try and coax the memories back. She never did a full wipe, it was just altered.”

“Is it going to hurt her?”

“I’m okay now, but it’ll probably hurt. That’s why I want Natalie to be here when we try to bring back my memories.”

“What did you want us to do then?”

“I was hoping that with you here it would help jog my memory, but I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to leave you two alone then?”

“I need you here with me, Bridge. There’s no one else I trust more than you.”

“Okay. Well, do you want to try and work your way back…? Or should we start at the beginning?”

“I guess the beginning?”

The doorbell rings and all three heads turn towards it. Natalie isn’t supposed to be here yet so who could it be? Bridgette goes to answer the door.

It’s Geoff.

“Baby, now isn’t exactly a good time.”

“What’s going on? Duncan? I thought you were at work, bro.”

“I got out early.”

“Court, are you alright? You don’t look so good.”

“I’m not. Bridgette and Duncan are trying to help me remember everything.”

“We figured that we could start from the beginning, but we’re not quite sure how to yet.”

“Why don’t you just watch the show? I have a copy of it saved.”

“Oh Snookums! That’s a great idea!”

Bridgette gives Geoff a peck then runs off to grab their laptop. It’s a little weird to watch yourself on screen, but this should help to fill in the gaps in Courtney’s memory. She returns with the laptop signing in with Geoff’s log in. He pulls up season one of Total Drama Island. To think it has been over five years since they first arrived on the island. 

The four of them spend the rest of the evening going through the tapes. Skipping through some moments that Courtney remembered clearly and stopping whenever she was confused about something that happened. Just as Natalie said, she remembers everything except for Duncan. There was a lot missing in her mind. She completely forgot about the camping challenge, phobia factor, and sneaking off to Chef and Chris’s private fridge. As Courtney continues to watch the scenes play out, her friends watched for her reaction. They were quick to confirm and explain the events whenever she paused the show. Her face was unreadable after they would answer, and she didn’t even react to their kiss. The good news is that her headaches didn’t return, but then again, that might be bad news too if they hoped to get her memory back. They stopped watching after Courtney was eliminated since the playa footage was never released.

“Court, how do you feel?”

“I’ll be right back.”

She ignores Bridgette’s question to go to her room. They take that as a bad sign. The three of them look at each other trying to decide what to do next.

A few minutes later, Courtney emerges from her room and in her hand is the skull that Duncan gave her.

“You kept it.”

“I did, but I don’t even remember why I did. Right now, my mind is telling me that it’s a reminder of the show and how crazy the whole thing was, but I know now that isn’t true.”

“Dude, you really don’t remember Duncan giving that to you?”

“Not at all. I found it on the beach and I decided to keep it. At least, that’s how I remember it.”

“How did you explain the D+C carved into it?”

She turns the skull around and inspects it. Sure enough, it was right there. Her thumb brushes across the surface to feel that it really is there.

“There wasn’t anything on the skull when I found it.”

She looks up at the three of them now. Duncan is clearly upset, Bridgette is anxious, and Geoff is just confused. None of them ever approached the topic of how her memory of the past would be, it’s a shock to all of them how much it had been altered.

“You still don’t remember anything, Princess?”

She shakes her head— nothing. Seeing the tapes didn’t do a single thing to help her. Maybe she felt disconnected seeing it through a screen?

“Dudes, I have another idea, but you guys might not like it.”

“At this point I’m ready to try anything, Geoff. I hate that I can’t remember.”

“Okay, hear me out… The reason why you altered your memory is because of World Tour, so why don’t we just get straight to the root of the problem?”

“Babe! That’s a great idea, but… Court, you might get hurt again…”

“Nothing is worse than these headaches.”

“You know that’s not true, Princess.”

Her friends look at her for confirmation that they were going to do this. This was going to hurt like hell, but she made it through this once, how bad could a second time be? Courtney nods, and together, the four of them wait for her reaction as they watch the Greece fiasco go down again.


	10. The Past Comes Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She remembers everything, now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter technically before the epilogue. There’s an alternate ending which can be read as the real last chapter if you prefer that version.

The scene flashes in front of her eyes, faster than she can even comprehend:  _ Duncan was kissing Gwen. _ Before she knows it, the credits start to roll, signaling the end of the episode.

All eyes are on her. They’re all waiting to see if she remembers. 

“I need a minute.”

Courtney gets off the couch and heads straight toward the balcony. She needed fresh air and it didn’t matter that it was freezing cold out. She needed to feel something, anything. Duncan immediately tries to follow her, but Geoff stops him, shaking his head.

Outside, she takes a deep breath, then exhales slowly. She closes her eyes and piece by piece, the memories come back to her.

_ They were on a plane and she finally had her boyfriend back again, but where was he? It was getting late, they really needed to talk about their relationship. She was ready to get up to find him when he slips back to their spot. He’s caught off guard by her stern expression, but he tries to play it cool. _

_ “I thought you were already asleep.” _

_ “Can’t sleep— besides, we have some things to talk about.” _

_ “About…?” _

_ To the others, Duncan seemed normal, but to Courtney, she knew something was wrong. His tone was off and he wouldn’t look at her. _

_ “There’s a lot to talk about…” _

_ He slouches at that and she could tell he was already annoyed. _

_ “You know what? It’s fine. There’s nothing to talk about.” _

_ He obviously didn’t care, so why should she? She turns her back to him and wonders for the millionth time why it had to be him she fell for. He sighs, then scoots closer to her to pull her into his arms. She doesn’t fight it. She really did miss him. _

_ “I’m here now, Courtney, what did you want to say?” _

_ He was being gentle with her, but there was a waver in his voice. She doesn’t notice it though, she doesn’t even notice that he called her Courtney. He never calls her by her name unless something was wrong. _

_ “It can wait, we have more time now to talk about us.” _

_ “Us?” _

_ “Yes, us. Me and you; unless you have someone else in mind.” _

_ She was teasing him, but he flinched at the mention of someone else. She was ready to call him out on it, but he composes himself and gives her an easy smile. She really did love when he would smile at her. _

_ “There’s no one else for me, Princess, you’re it for me.” _

_ He said that in his most convincing voice, she didn’t doubt him for a second, but she should’ve known better. All the signs were there. _

_ He was a dirty liar and she fell for it. _

Courtney was hyperventilating from the cold, but she couldn’t feel it. All she knew was anger and pain. She felt hot and she couldn’t stop shaking. She barely hears the sound of the sliding glass door open. She knows who it is and he’s the last person she wants to see right now.

“Shit, Princess, you’re shaking.”

He was armed with a blanket to wrap her with, but he was ill prepared for their battle. He drapes the blanket over her before wrapping his arms to hold her from behind.

“You’re freezing. Come back inside.”

She hears the concern in his voice, she feels his breath next to her ears, and his warmth keeping her still. She knows this time it’s different and she so badly wants to melt and just fall, but she can’t. No, she won’t. She remembers what happened.

“Please leave, just leave me alone.”

“Courtney…”

“No, don’t call me that. Just leave… please.”

“Okay, I’ll leave, but at least come back inside.”

He keeps his distance as she agrees to go into the apartment. She looked exhausted, all the energy was drained from her body. As soon as she steps inside, Bridgette is there to hug her.

“I’m here for you, Court. Always.”

She doesn’t say anything back. She just holds her best friend back. She knows she’s going to crash soon. She can only stay strong for so long, but she won’t fall apart. No, not while he’s still here. 

“Geoff, Honey, why don’t you and Duncan go home. Give us some time.”

Neither of them try to argue. Geoff knows what’s to come and it would be best if Duncan wasn’t here to see it.

After the boys leave, it still takes Courtney some time to calm down. She could feel the anger and hurt consume her once again. Not again, never again, she needs it to stop. She didn’t even remember everything, but she was already crushed. She hated this: she hates that he makes her weak.

“I’m sorry, Bridgette. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you and I made the same mistake again.”

“Hey, it’s okay. You didn’t make a mistake. You can’t fight love. I just don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“I hate seeing me this way too. I really messed up, but I’m gonna fix it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to be that same stupid teenager blinded by rage and pain. I have to move on, but I can’t do it alone.”

“No… you don’t mean…”

“Yes, it’s the only way.”

“There  _ has _ to be another way. The past makes you who you are, Court. You’re stronger than this.”

Tears well in her eyes before slowly escaping down her face. She shakes her head. She was so tired of this. His betrayal followed her for years and she couldn’t let it go. He broke her trust.

She already had a hard time letting people in, and he made it worse. She was right all along, you can’t trust anyone besides yourself.

“I know you don’t agree, but I’ve made up my mind. I should’ve done this in the first place. You’re so lucky, you know that, Bridge? You and Geoff are meant to be. He loves you so much.”

“Duncan loves you too. You know that he does.”

“I just don’t trust him, I can’t, I won’t. Just, not again. I used to think these women were stupid for being broken after a heartbreak, but now I know. Even when you think you’ve moved on, something will remind you of him and try as you might, you can’t help reliving the memories.”

“He’s not going anywhere this time. I’ve tried to get rid of him, but he won’t budge. Duncan’s changed. He made a mistake— a huge mistake— but he wants to fix it…”

“What happens if I’m still too difficult for him? You know it’s going to happen. We’re too different, I’ll drive him away. I can’t lose him again,  _ I don’t want to lose him again _ .”

“Do you still love him?”

“Yes, but I can’t forgive him.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I didn’t agree with it the first time and I don’t agree with it now, but this is your decision. I’m on your side no matter what.”   
  


The two best friends embrace. Courtney’s second guessed everything in her life, but she’s never been more sure about what to do next. With Bridgette’s support, she knows she can get through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, the holidays were crazy. Anyways, I can’t wait to finally mark this fic as complete next update! I’ll post both endings at once, so you don’t have to wait (:


	11. Forget to Forgive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes to forgive, you have to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my intended ending for this story, and also the title for this fic

After transferring to Oxford and graduating with honors, Courtney is back in Canada. Life in England wasn’t easy, especially having to do it on her own, but she was determined. Thanks to the connections she made abroad, she was offered a good job back home at a law firm. It’s a great start for her after-college resume. Everything was falling into place, and her life was perfect… Well…  _ almost _ perfect.

“Watch where you’re going, asshole!”

This is what she gets for taking a break from unpacking to go to the store. She should’ve just let Bridgette go like she suggested, but  _ no _ , she had to get out of her apartment. Now, her brand new jacket was ruined by a cup of coffee. She glares at the guy who ran into her, getting ready to curse him out.

“The sidewalk is big enough for a hoard of people… yet— you still somehow ran into me!”

She doesn’t know why, but seeing this guy just infuriated her. Maybe because he wasn’t saying anything back— but either way, she was irritated.

“Oh, sure, now you see me. Quit looking at me like that!”

This seemed to snap some sense into him, so he rolls his eyes then starts to walk away. She couldn’t believe this.

“Hey! I’m not done talking to you, asshole!”

“That sounds like a  _ you _ problem, Princess.”

“I am not a princess!”

“You sure act like one, sitting up on your high horse.”

“I’ll have you know, I’m a lawyer and I…”

“‘... was a CIT’.  _ Yeah, yeah _ , I know.”

“Wait… how do you know that?”

He finally turns back to face her, and with a smirk no less. She wanted so badly to smack him upside the head. It doesn’t matter how attractive he is, he’s still an asshole.

“You just seem like the type. See you around,  _ Princess _ .”

He absolutely would not be seeing her! Who does he think he is? They just met and he already thinks he knows everything about her. She needs to rant to Bridgette, but first, she needs to get groceries.

After he rounds the corner, that’s when he drops the act. It’s been too long since she left without telling anyone. She didn’t even tell Bridgette, she wanted to start fresh somewhere far from him. If this was payback then it worked. Duncan was absolutely miserable without her. And now that she’s back, it’s even worse. She doesn’t even remember him.

_ “What do you mean she’s gone?” _

_ “Exactly that. She left.” _

_ “She didn’t tell you where she was going?” _

_ Bridgette shakes her head. She really had no clue, but even if she did, she wouldn’t have told him. _

_ “I’m sorry, Duncan.” _

_ He lost her, again. This was supposed to be his second chance. He thought it would be easy to get her back and pick up right where they left off. They reconnected, even when she didn’t remember. _

_ “There’s something else I have to tell you.” _

_ He could tell from her tone that he wasn’t going to like it. He knows what she’s about to say. It still didn’t make it any easier, nor did it hurt any less. _

_ “If you guys do meet again, she’s not going to remember you. She met with Natalie yesterday to erase her memories. There’s no going back this time.” _

Duncan sighs as he thinks back to these past few years without her. She threw away their history for her future. He can’t blame her, there are days where he thinks about doing the same. He finally understands how she felt all those years while she tried to let go. It’s impossible. Once a heart breaks, it’s never the same again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The alternate ending is going up very shortly if you're interested in that version more!


	12. Forgive to Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forgiving someone take strength and love. When you have both, you can forget the past and move to a brighter future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending that I was kinda forced to write (kidding C), but it gives a different message then I was going for.

Courtney takes a deep breath and puts on a brave smile… She has to do this. She opens the door to the clinic, and to her surprise, she sees Duncan. She wants to turn back, but he’s already seen her. She won’t admit he’s her weakness, at least, not in front of him. She walks inside, purposely taking the seat opposite him.

“I was hoping not to see you here.”

“Likewise.”

“Before you decide to go through with this, hear me out, please.”

“You never gave me a chance to change your mind, why should I?”

“You’re right. You’ve always been right. I’m sorry.”

She glances at the clock, she knows she’s early, but she didn’t want him to know that.

“You get five minutes.”

He smiles and she nearly melts. He’s going to be the death of her, but what better way to go?

“I’m sorry, Court. I was young and stupid, but that doesn’t make it okay. I was so happy when I saw you again, but then you didn’t even remember me… I knew I fucked up before, but I didn’t realize how badly I fucked up. I don’t expect you to just forgive me, but please don’t do this. I can’t change what I did to you in the past, but I can make sure we’re even better than before.”

“Duncan… I want to believe you, but I don’t know if I can. If I do give this a chance, and we mess up, I’m going to wonder what went wrong this time. I’m not going through this again.”

“You won’t, I promise. I’ll reassure you and wash away any and all doubts you have.”

“You’ll just get annoyed at me again.”

“Sure I will, but you’ll be annoyed at me too. We’re not going to be perfect, Court, no matter how hard we try.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“Point is, I love you and I want to make this work. I’ll do anything you ask.”

“Anything?”

“Say the words and I’ll do it.”

“... I want you to leave me alone and never come back.”

His eyes give everything away, every emotion he feels. He doesn’t try to hide them. He lets her see how much this hurts him, how much he wants to fight this.

“Is that really what you want?”

She hesitates for one second before nodding her head.

“If I leave, will you promise not to wipe your memories?”

“I don’t think you’re in any position to negotiate. You broke your promise to me long ago.”

“Yeah, I did, and I’m sorry, but I have to fight you on this.”

“If we’re never going to see each other again, why would it matter whether or not I still remember you?”

“Because it gives us a chance. There are moments where it was just the two of us. Memories that only we know. It connects us and if you forget them, then it means we never happened.”

“Not if you still remember. Unless you get rid of them too.”

“Those were some of the happiest moments of my life, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”

“What If I asked you to? What if we both just forget? We could start over.”

“What if we don’t? If neither of us remember, we won’t try again.”

“You really care this much about our memories?”

“It’s not just the memories, it’s you, Princess. It’s always been you.”

…

_ “Courtney, wait up!” _

_ “Duncan, I don’t have time for this, besides shouldn’t you be with Gwen?” _

_ “She broke up with me.” _

_ This makes her turn around. He nearly runs into her. She glares at him. _

_ “So that’s why you’re here? I’m not an idiot, Duncan. I’m not some girl you can run back to after a breakup. I’ve got more important things to think about, like how I’m going to win this season.” _

_ “You’re not just some rebound. I don’t know how you don’t see it.” _

_ “See what?” _

_ “It’s you, Princess, it’s always been you. I still love you, okay? I never stopped.” _

_ “Don’t. I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that and you’re going to just walk away.” _

_ “Court, wait!” _

_ She didn’t wait. She just kept walking. If she stopped and listened, she knew she would have forgiven him. The truth is, it’s always been him too. _

_ …  _

“Princess? Are you alright?”

She was leaning against him for support, her headache was back again. She puts her hand to her head wishing this would stop the pain. He looks down at her, worry evident in his eyes.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Just another memory.”

“You sure? I can go get your doctor.”

“No, I don’t think I need her anymore.”

He’s confused at first, but then he puts it together. He smiles and holds her closer, afraid she’ll change her mind again. She smiles back, and for once, Duncan was right. She can’t let fear control her anymore, her memories came back for a reason. Even though they hurt, this time, she wasn’t alone to face it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally finished! Depending on whichever ending you prefer, but I'm happy to finally complete this fic. Thanks for those of you who stuck around on this journey (:


End file.
